


pop rocks

by johnshuaa



Series: sweet tooth 🍬 [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff, Genderbending, Kissing, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Rule 63, basically nct but make them girls lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24819535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnshuaa/pseuds/johnshuaa
Summary: Sometimes, Jaemin wonders why she's never gotten close to Jaehyun, despite having debuted together nearly a year ago and trained together for even longer. But she's glad that their roommate swap landed her where she is now.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Na Jaemin
Series: sweet tooth 🍬 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795234
Comments: 10
Kudos: 77





	pop rocks

**Author's Note:**

> On one fine friday afternoon, I decided that i wanted to write 2jae, proceeded to make a set of hyung/maknae ships, and fulfilled my need to write a genderswap idolverse because it’s been itching at the back of my mind for literally forever. Then i accidentally wrote the first 3k with absolutely zero plan except the fact that baekhyun’s candy was in mind because i saw a tiktok for the dance an hour prior. Anyways, this entire note is a mess. Please enjoy this complete, self-indulgent, unbetaed... thing.

Jaemin likes to think that what happened was that the manager asked each of the unnies to choose a dongsaeng to take care of based on how good their relationship with each of them is, which works out perfectly with their group of eight. Perhaps each of Jaemin’s unnies decided to take one of them under their wing out of love and care for them. That would be a boost to Jaemin’s self-esteem. 

However, she knows that it’s likely the manager himself who chose how each of them was paired up, which dims Jaemin’s spirits just a little bit, because she must have pulled the short end of the stick.

Doyoung has doted on Jeno since she joined the company as a trainee, with Jeno’s cute eye smile and how _small_ she was. Doyoung has liked all of the dongsaengs, took them outside to eat and led mini field trips to visit different landmarks around Seoul all the time, even after long weeks of practice. She was so kind, always paid for their meals, took them out to the places most teenagers would visit with their school friends on free weekends. She made their childhood feel like _childhood_.

Johnny is, well, _Johnny_. She’s tall and bubbly, and it sometimes feels like she’s the maknae, and not Jaemin. But that’s what makes Johnny so lovable to the rest of the members and their fans. It’s hard _not_ to get along with her. 

And Taeyong is their leader, so she’s basically obligated to care for all of them, and it’s simply in her nature to look after (read: worry) over the rest of the members, especially over the four youngest, who are a full five years younger than her. 

Jaemin finds it sweet, because she’s never had an older sibling to pay so much attention to her, so having her group members around made the hard trainee days so much better. 

But then there’s Jaehyun. She isn’t as close, never was, and never became any closer. Jaemin thinks it’s because she had thought the four of the oldest would have debuted years earlier, with the previous girl group their entertainment company had set out. The unnies had trained with their seniors for a couple years. Johnny had _joined_ the company the same time most of those senior trainees did. But when the company chose the final lineup, the four didn’t make the cut. And Jaemin thinks that Jaehyun might always blame it on the four of the maknaes. It hurts, but Jaemin has learned to accept that, over the time they’ve all been together.

Or maybe it’s just Jaehyun herself, how she’s interacted with people her whole life, that makes it difficult for her to open up to the rest of them. Over the years of training, she’s always stuck by Johnny and Taeyong, and occasionally Doyoung, though they spar the most out of all the members. Ultimately, it’s age that’s set them apart, Jaemin concludes, which has caused a significant divide in the group that apparently, the fans and the managers have noticed.

That would explain why the company found the need to pair them up like this. Of course, Jaemin would prefer to spend the rest of her time living with Jeno. After all, they’ve been best friends since primary school, and even auditioned together when they were old enough, which has miraculously landed them with this wonderful friendship. But if the new arrangement is for the sake of the group, then so be it. It’s Jaemin’s future at hand, and she’ll have to give some things up for that success they all so desperately crave.

Once they’ve moved rooms, Jaemin immediately misses the mess Jeno had on her half of the room, her unmade sheets, the unkempt desk, the bike she had hanging on the wall like a savage, things that made Jaemin feel like a teenager. But that’s gone, and in its place is a blank wall, a piano and shelf pushed up against the corner. It makes Jaemin more self-conscious about how messy her side of the room is, and when she went back in to grab her phone charger, she unconsciously kicked at her shoes until they were hidden under her bed, just to clear up some of her floors.

“It’s not fair. She’s happier when she’s with Mark. Hell, she’s happy with _Donghyuck_ , somehow. I don’t get it.” Jaemin straightens her legs in front of her so she can get a good stretch forward, her words getting muffled when she tucks her head between her arms, face to her knees. “This sucks.”

“She’s not a stranger, Jaemin. You’ve known her as long as you’ve known the rest of the unnies. She just never… connected as easily with us,” Jeno says matter of factly. She leans forward and places a steady hand on the small of Jaemin’s back, pushing down gently to give Jaemin the extra stretch she needs. The doctor had made sure to check up specifically on her back every time she visited and had been adamant that she not work it too hard without a proper warm-up. Jeno had taken it upon herself to make sure Jaemin doesn’t overwork herself. “I wish we did things differently back then. Maybe it wouldn’t be so tense between you two if we had done that stupid icebreaker like the manager wanted.”

“Ha, ha, very funny.” Jaemin groans when Jeno pushes on her back again, her nose touching her knees. “I wish I got paired with Doyoung. She’d take me out to get chicken after practice.”

“Maybe you should stop trying to take advantage of our unnies’ money and _then_ Jaehyun would like you better.”

Jaemin slowly eases herself back to a sitting position, bending her legs in so she can stretch her hips next. She hears the squeaking of shoes from behind her, signaling Donghyuck’s arrival. 

“Are we talking about our dear unnies and the new arrangements?” Donghyuck singsongs when she slides across the floor in her socks, stopping right in front of the two. “Because from what I see, the only trouble we get from this is you and our dearest Jaehyun.”

“We get it, you have a teddy bear taking care of you. No need to rub it in.”

Donghyuck hums. “Jealousy isn’t pretty on you, sweetie.”

“I don’t like the energy that’s in this room already. We just got here.”

Jaemin doesn’t have to turn around to know that it’s Taeyong announcing the last of their group’s arrival, a way to make sure that all private conversations stay private. 

“No arguments here. We’re still best friends!” Donghyuck squats down, weight on the balls of her feet, and wrapping her arms around Jaemin’s shoulders. She presses a kiss to Jaemin’s cheek for the sake of it, and she can feel the sticky lip gloss leave its print on her skin. 

“Better be, because we have a long practice ahead of us. I hope you all remember yesterday’s choreography...”

  
  


They pair off at the end of practice, and Jaemin has to say a bitter goodbye to Jeno when it turns out that indeed, Doyoung is taking her out for dinner. There were fake tears and a lot of grappling hands before Doyoung managed to finally get Jeno out of Jaemin’s embrace and out of the practice room. 

Johnny and Donghyuck left the moment Taeyong dismissed them, but Mark and Taeyong had stayed, cleaning up some of the empty bottles they'd left scattered around the practice room. Jaemin thinks that Taeyong just wanted to make sure nobody dies if she turns away for just a second. With Jeno gone, the room becomes eerily quiet, and Jaemin goes to grab her bag, sliding on her sneakers with ease. Jaehyun is already at the door, her own backpack slung over one shoulder, leaning against the doorframe, phone in hand. 

Jaemin wonders why there’s a lump in her throat that she struggles to swallow as she makes her way to Jaehyun.

Before she goes, though, Mark grabs a hold of her elbow, pulling her in close. Mark’s honey brown braids are falling loose, stray hairs poking out. 

“I know you don’t have the best relationship with her, but make it work. Management would have pulled this kind of stunt sooner or later. I promise you, she’s not going to kill you.”

“You make it sound like she can bite my head off.” Jaemin cracks a smile.

“That’s what _you_ assume. Jaehyun’s far more open than you think she is. She just likes to put up a front.”

“For four whole years?”

“Think about it. There might have been a reason you were paired up with her. Make the best out of what you have, okay?” Mark pats Jaemin’s shoulder, then tugs at her earlobe, a habit she’s picked up with her dongsaengs. Jaemin’s earrings jangle from the movement. “Anyway, I gotta go. Taeyong wants to show me a new song she’s been working on.”

“Alright. Have more fun than me.”

Mark gives her one last pointed look and squeezes her elbow before she heads towards the cubbies to grab her things.

When Jaemin reaches the exit of the practice room, Jaehyun had pulled her hair down from its bun, strands falling just past her chin in lavender waves, a little less perfect than how she usually is due to the sweat that has built up over the hours of practice. Once promotions for their comeback start, Jaehyun would have to dye her hair back to its vibrant purple, but for now, Jaemin thinks that the light color suits her. She looks soft. Approachable.

“You wanna go get something to eat?” she says as they enter the elevator, her phone still out in front of her, and that small electronic acts as a wall between them.

“I don’t really want to go out. I’m kind of sore.”

“That’s fine. I can cook something up in the dorms.”

“I think we’re out of instant ramen.”

Jaehyun smiles, a small quirk of the lips, her eyes lifting to look at the elevator doors for a moment. They never meet Jaemin’s. “You underestimate my cooking skills.”

“If you say so.”

She’s met with silence the rest of the way out of the company building and into the car, something Jaemin expected, but also weirded out by. Three years of training, and another eight months since debut. It’s nearly impossible that Jaemin’s never gotten the chance to grow as close to Jaehyun as the rest of them. Sure, they hardly spent any time alone in each other’s company, and when they did, it was just like this: silent, a little uncomfortable. But the chances of this frostiness persisting for so long should have been quite low.

Jaemin picks at her cuticles during the drive to their dorms. She forgot her headphones in her room before going to practice and is left to listen to the rev of the engine. She thinks about the long, hot shower she’ll take the moment they get back, to wash out the stickiness and sweat stuck to her hair and skin.

“Don’t pick at your nails. The stylists will throw a fit.”

Instinctively, Jaemin flattens her hands over her knees at the reprimand. From the corner of her eyes, she can tell that Jaehyun had hardly moved from her position, legs crossed as she settles into her seat, phone right to her face, the gentle glow cast on her features. She had pulled her hoodie over her head, and most of her face is shielded by the hood.

Jaemin mumbles a quiet sorry instead, and that’s the end of that conversation. Nothing more. She wonders what she did in her past life to end up in this predicament.

  
  


Jaehyun was right about how confident she was in her cooking skills. Despite not having gone out to refill the kitchen with fresh groceries in over two weeks, Jaehyun manages to cook up a simple but fulfilling serving of fried rice with a good balance of protein and fiber. Jaemin doesn’t know how she managed to make chunks of tomato appear despite them _not having tomatoes_ , but she’s grateful nonetheless, stuffing the food into her mouth happily. Her hair nearly falls out of the towel wrap she’s put it in, because she just couldn’t wait to fill her empty stomach. Blowing out so much long, bleached blonde hair required too much time that she didn’t want to spend while still hungry.

Jaehyun had taken her hoodie off while cooking, now in an oversized blue shirt that’s usually tied up for practice, and baggy cargo pants. Instead, she tucks the hem into her pants in the front. Her hair is clipped back and out of the way, but a few stray strands fall to frame her face. It’s unfair how pretty she is, not that the rest of the members weren’t beautiful. But Jaehyun’s different. The maknaes were all, summarized in simple terms, cute and girlish, not yet aged into their mature features yet. Taeyong has an innocent look to her, while Johnny and Doyoung were sophisticated, expensive, and icy. Jaehyun, though, looks mature yet playful, glowing with youth and maturity at the same time. It’s no wonder she’s the visual of the group.

“You should go wash up. I’ll deal with the dishes,” Jaemin says quietly as she notices Jaehyun scraping at the bottom of her bowl. “I won’t break anything, I promise.”

“I know,” Jaehyun replies, her spoon clinking against the bowl. “You aren’t as young as you used to be.”

Something about that statement feels off, but Jaemin doesn’t question it, just stuffs another mouthful of rice and egg as Jaehyun pulls away from the table. She grabs her hoodie, folds it over her forearm, and disappears around the hall to head towards her room. 

Right. They share a room now. It’s going to take some getting used to on Jaemin’s part.

It’s getting near their curfew, which means Doyoung and Jeno should be coming back soon. The other four Jaemin assumes are in their own dorms upstairs, getting ready for bed as well. Tomorrow’s schedule would be a repeat of today’s, and Jaemin might be too stiff to move tomorrow if she doesn’t roll her back out tonight.

The front door opens, filling the room with quiet giggling when Jaemin is drying the bowls. Jeno has her arm locked around Doyoung’s elbow, pressed right to her side as she laughs.

Jaemin can’t help the bitter smile that makes its way onto her lips, and she quickly wipes her hands down on the towel next to the sink, disappearing out of the kitchen before the other two can notice her.

There’s no sound of water against tile, so Jaemin assumes that Jaehyun is already back in their room, settled for bed. When she pushes the door open, Jaehyun is sitting with her back in the corner of the room, a face mask on, her speaker playing music just loud enough for her to hear clearly.

Jaemin jumps into her bed, face first, diving into the pillow, and lets out a quiet groan. 

She should go visit the doctor again, just to make sure she’ll be okay to get through their next comeback without issues. Anything to keep her from having to sit out the second half of promotions, as she had to their previous comeback. That took her, mentally, a bit too long to recover from, and avoiding something like that at all costs would be ideal.

Suddenly, she feels a pressure on her spine, so relieving that she sighs, long and deep into her pillow. The pressure moves, up and down her back, even on her shoulders, which isn’t necessary, but relaxing nonetheless. Jaemin lifts her head so she can lay her cheek on the pillow, glancing to the side.

Jaehyun’s bed is empty, a small nest left in the corner of the bed in the shape of a person. The speaker plays some quiet lofi music that becomes calming background noises.

When fingers dig into the sides of Jaemin’s lower back, into the divots by her spine, she lets out a short moan, accompanied by a snort from Jaehyun.

“Does that feel better?” she asks, her thumbs rubbing circles through the thin shirt Jaemin has on.

“A million times better already. I usually only roll it out with the foam roller. It doesn’t get all the places it hurts.”

“Jeno doesn’t help you?”

“She’s just as tired as me when we get back, most nights. Falls asleep the moment she hits her bed.” When Jaehyun’s hands go to press into the knots in Jaemin’s neck, she groans, turning her head so she’s facing the wall instead, a little embarrassed at the sound she let out. “Dear lord, how are you so good at _everything_?”

Jaehyun only laughs quietly, but never gives a proper answer. She pokes a finger at Jaemin’s ribs instead, and Jaemin immediately flinches inwards.

“You’re ticklish?”

“No shit— Hey, don’t!”

Jaemin erupts into a fit of giggles when Jaehyun prods at her a few more times, pulling her body into a ball to cover herself, but Jaehyun already has her fingers under Jaemin’s shirt, brushing them over her ribs in a way that sends tingles all down Jaemin’s spine.

“I had gone a _full year_ without someone finding out,” Jaemin says through her laughs, hardly able to catch her breath. “I swear, if you use this against me—”

Jaehyun’s smile grows, and she pokes Jaemin’s stomach one more time. She’s on Jaemin’s bed now, sitting on her heels, hands on Jaemin’s waist, and if you told her that she, of all people, would have Jaehyun in her bed with her hands under her shirt, thumbs unconsciously rubbing small circles into her skin, Jaemin would just quirk an eyebrow and guffaw at the fact. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll keep this from Hyuck.” Jaehyun props Jaemin against the wall so she can sit comfortably, adjusting her with the grip on Jaemin’s waist. She stays close, enough for Jaemin to feel each breath she takes.

“Good, because if she knows, then god knows I might end up dead in a ditch in a few hours.”

It’s crazy that Jaemin has never seen the Jaehyun in front of her until now. Three years, counting to four. This carefree, mischievous Jaehyun, and not just the personality she puts up for the camera. This is carefree, mischievous, _genuine_ Jaehyun.

Jaehyun pinches Jaemin’s waist once more before pulling her hands away, leaving a cold trail in its wake, which only makes Jaemin miss the touch more. She leans back onto her heels, but stays on the twin-sized bed. 

“How’d you know about my back?” Jaemin asks nonchalantly, even though she’s very, very invested in finding out. 

Jaehyun frowns slightly. “The manager told us all about it after your accident.”

“I mean the whole…” Jaemin tries to gesture with her arms, but it becomes just her flailing her hands in front of her. “The whole how to deal with it part.”

“I talked to Jeno before we moved rooms. She gave me the whole rundown on the ‘how to take care of Jaemin’ instruction manual. It’s quite a lengthy explanation.”

“I’m very needy most times.”

“No one can be as needy as Donghyuck. You’ll be an angel compared to her.” 

Jaemin scoffs. “Don’t be too sure about that.”

“I’ll take those words back when I have to.” When Jaehyun smiles, her nose scrunches in the most adorable way, Jaemin has realized looking at her now. Jaehyun extends an arm and brushes Jaemin’s bangs back behind her ear with a finger, though it’s futile because they just fall back to brush against her forehead again. Jaehyun’s hand falls away too quickly. “We better get to bed. The choreographer wants us there bright and early tomorrow.”

Jaemin groans as Jaehyun slinks off of her bed. “I should have slept more during our resting week.”

Jaehyun only laughs, crossing the short distance to her side of the room. She flicks the lights off on the way, but keeps the lamp on her nightstand on, just in case either of them has any last-minute things to put away. “I hope you remember that when the next one rolls around.”

“I honestly doubt it. You only live once. You can’t spend so much time _sleeping_.”

Jaehyun only hums this time around. By the time she gives a proper reply, Jaemin is already deep in her slumber, back turned to Jaehyun’s side of the room.

“There’s only so much time in the world...”

  
  


Jaehyun takes her out to eat after practice, and that itself cheers Jaemin up, despite how strained her back feels after those long hours of dancing without pause. 

“You sure you can go out? Don’t think I didn’t see you pull ‘the face’ since the second hour in,” Mark says, a calming hand on Jaemin’s waist. Jaemin’s become hyper-aware of the rest of the girls touching her hip since Jaehyun, even though it’s been a habit between all the group members for years. “You aren’t looking too great.”

“Well, she’s never offered to take me out. ‘M not gonna let this stupid injury stop me,” Jaemin says. She goes to pound a fist at the small of her back twice, as if to prove that it’s fine.

Mark stares at her for another moment of silence, before she purses her lips. “Okay, but take care. If you feel any pain, make Jaehyun take you home immediately.”

“Okay, _Mom_.”

“That’s Taeyong.” Mark tugs on one of Jaemin’s pigtails, then goes to tug her hair out of the tie. She combs her fingers through Jaemin’s blonde locks so it falls more naturally over her shoulders. “Go have fun. But not too much. Just… watch out for yourself.”

“You worry too much,” Jaemin says. “I’ll be perfectly fine.”

With one final long look, Mark bids her goodbye, turning to join Taeyong to discuss with the choreographer. Jaemin grabs her bag and puts on her puffy jacket and finds Jaehyun outside, leaning against the wall of the hallway, hands stuffed in her pockets.

“What are you feeling? Fried chicken? Tteokbokki?” Jaehyun asks, her phone open to check for restaurants nearby. “The manager said we could go alone as long as we stay close by. He’ll drop us off with the car.”

Jaemin ponders for a moment before shrugging. “Anything warm, I guess.”

Jaehyun rolls her eyes, but there’s no heat in it. “Most food is warm. That doesn’t narrow it down much.”

They take the elevator down to the lobby, and Jaemin sidles up closer to Jaehyun, a little bolder considering how cold it is tonight, and the puffy jacket acting as a safety barrier. 

“Let’s get soup,” Jaemin says. 

Jaehyun glances down at her. Their height difference isn’t dramatic, at least not as much as that of Johnny and Donghyuck, but Jaehyun has a good two inches over Jaemin, and she’s in platform boots, making her just slightly taller than usual. 

There’s a weird look in her eyes that Jaemin can’t quite read, but just as quickly, it’s gone, hidden, and Jaehyun smiles, her dimples carved deep in her cheeks. “Okay. Soup it is.”

  
  


Sitting across from Jaehyun in a small restaurant that can only fit about thirty people in tight quarters, their knees brushing against each other because of how tiny the table is, is something Jaemin could have never imagined happening in a hundred years. But yet, here they are, each nursing a bowl of kimchi jjigae, and it thoroughly warms Jaemin through her bones.

Jaehyun spares short glances at her every once in a while that Jaemin finds a little peculiar, but doesn’t ask her about it, not until she’s three-quarters of her way done with her meal, stomach full. 

“Is there something wrong? Are you mad at me?”

It catches Jaehyun off guard, because her spoon stops before she can take another bite, and she blinks at Jaemin for a second.

“Why would I be mad at you? Did you break something?”

“No, no… I don’t think I did anything wrong… I think?”

Jaehyun dips her spoon back in her bowl, then straightens up in her seat. “I’m just worried. You never ask to get soup unless you’re hurt.”

“I didn’t think you would notice,” Jaemin says sheepishly.

“You don’t seem to have a lot of faith in me, Jaemin. You’re my group member, of course I know this kind of stuff,” Jaehyun presses a hand to her chest and squeezes at her heart, making a faux expression of pain. “I’m wounded.”

Jaemin giggles, but it trails off awkwardly. “I just think… we never got close like we did with the rest of the members. I always thought it was something I did when we first met. Or just me _being_ there.”

There’s a blanket of seriousness that falls over them all of a sudden. No more poking fun and light jokes. 

“Of course not. It’s never been your fault. It could never be your fault,” Jaehyun says.

“Then why don’t you like me?”

“I _do_ like you.”

Jaemin pouts, her lower lip jutting out, eyebrows furrowed. It’s a face she likes to make while doing variety shows, something that the fans know her by. So she knows it’s hardly going to work on Jaehyun. “No, you don’t. It’s taken, what, three years for us to finally be able to have a normal conversation alone? We never had that _clicking moment_.”

It renders Jaehyun speechless. Her mouth falls open slightly as she looks at Jaemin, a quirk to her head. It makes Jaemin a little uncomfortable, to be under such intense scrutiny. Jaehyun’s dark eyes are piercing, she notes.

“You just always felt so distant, so cold. The rest of the unnies all made an effort to work with us, hang out with us but you…” Jaemin bites the inside of her cheeks. “I’m not blaming you, of course, but you didn’t talk to us as much. I didn’t feel welcome to get to know you as quickly. I learned more by watching you, the little things you did..”

Jaehyun’s eyes fall, focusing on the bowl of soup in front of Jaemin instead, unable to meet her eyes. She chews at her pink lips for a moment. 

“You’re right. I didn’t really connect with you, and I never tried very hard to. I’m sorry, truly.” Jaehyun reaches towards her napkins and begins playing with the corner. She tends to fidget with things when she’s nervous. “I’m just… It’s hard watching over you girls, watching you grow up here.”

“What—”

“Your back has been a problem for a long time, Jaemin. It’s so hard for me to see you in pain, bear through it like it’s not there when we can all tell that it’s bothering you. You overwork yourself, and it hurts me to see you do that.”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Jaemin states, and of course that’s when the muscles closest to her spine spasms, a little uncomfortable but enough to make her wince. “Really, it’s fine.”

“You know that Manager-nim and Taeyong want you to go on hiatus, right?”

Jaemin gawks, eyebrows furrowing. “They _what?_ The comeback is literally in a month!”

“They think you should get it seen by a doctor so it doesn’t cause permanent damage. And I agree. The harder you work, the worse it’ll get. I don’t want to be the one to help you into a back brace if it gets _that_ bad.” When Jaehyun meets Jaemin’s stare, her eyes are a little red and puffy, trying to hold back tears. “That’s why I never really connected to you, I think. I met you when you were so young and determined to make it in this industry, and I thought that you shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have given up your childhood to do this.”

“Jaehyun…” Jaemin grabs a hold of the hand Jaehyun’s fidgeting with. She grasps onto Jaehyun’s palm, hoping to send some reassurance to her. 

“I wish you and Mark and Donghyuck and Jeno could have lived a proper set of teenage years. Taeyong, Johnny, Doyoung, we all trained hard, but we had gotten a chance to be a child before we joined the company. Even as long as Johnny has been here, she only spent summers training for a while before transitioning to full-time. We debuted as adults. You never got that.”

“We chose to be here—”

“And I regret that. I wish you had joined later, had more of those years of being a child to yourself before getting swept up by such a cutthroat industry.” Jaehyun sighs. “You’ll know what I mean in a couple of years.”

“Jaehyun, you aren’t that much older than us.”

Then there’s a tear slipping down Jaehyun’s cheek, and she brushes it away quickly, blinking in rapid succession to dry her eyes. Still, there are crystal tears on her lashes, and she tilts her head forward so her hair falls to cover her face like a curtain.

“Dear lord, I didn’t want to cry in public,” she sniffs. Jaemin takes the napkin and leans over, dabbing gently on the curve of Jaehyun’s cheekbone. “I don’t want you to hurt so much for the sake of this whole thing. It’s not worth it.”

“Oh, Jaehyun… You’re gonna make me cry.” 

She forces out a strained laugh, and another tear falls. “I care a lot for you, Jaemin, don’t ever doubt that.”

“Well, I know that now,” Jaemin scoffs. For the sake of publicity, she takes Jaehyun’s hand and intertwines their fingers when in honesty, she would have cupped her palm on Jaehyun’s face and wiped her tears away with her thumb. “Thank you. For everything.”

“I haven’t even—”

“You will, in the next couple of years, I bet.” Jaemin pastes a cheeky smile on her face. “I’ll make it through this promotion period, I’m sure. But I’ll take a break if I need to, afterward. No more worrying the group. Or you.”

“Okay.” Jaehyun’s voice is quiet and a little cracked. She squeezes Jaemin’s hand, once, twice. “Okay.”

  
  


It’s the subtle hands on Jaemin’s hips, holding her up and still, that comforts Jaemin. She thinks she might just crumple to the ground if she didn’t have the familiar pressure there, a reminder that she’ll be fine, that Jaehyun is right there, right behind her, ready to catch her if she needs it.

The past month has been rough, to say the least. She’s gone to visit the hospital once a week for checkups, and Jaemin had to spend each of those appointments trying to convince her doctor to let her at least get through a week of promotions before pulling her from performing. Jaemin did all the stretches, took all the medicine, anything that would keep her in full operation. And much to Dr. Kwon’s disapproval, Jaemin managed to convince her to let her promote as long as Jaemin won’t overwork herself to the point of no return, and to have regular examinations before each performance.

And of course, Jaehyun took it upon herself to take care of Jaemin, almost in an overbearing manner. But Jaemin thinks it’s sweet, endearing, and something she’s waited for forever. If she dares, Jaemin would even say that Jaehyun dotes on her more than Doyoung does on Jeno. And Doyoung dotes on Jeno _nonstop_.

She doesn’t, though. She’s not looking for Jeno to come hunt her down for that.

The interview goes by quicker than Jaemin thought it would. Taeyong and Mark did most of the talking, so Jaemin stands quietly, smiling at the camera, at her members, at the MC. She rocks back into Jaehyun’s arms every so often, just for fun. Jaehyun’s hands tighten around her every single time without fail.

Though they don’t win, it’s their first time being nominated for first place, so they treat themselves with a small, celebratory fruit cake back at the dorms. When Taeyong starts to tear up giving her speech of how proud she is of all of them, how they’ve come so far with so many years more to go, Donghyuck is already scooping a dollop of the whipped cream on her finger and smearing it across Taeyong’s cheek. 

Jaemin thinks to herself that she’s going to miss this, their group, their dynamic, when she goes on her inevitable hiatus. It’ll hurt to be gone for too long, but she knows this is family. Whether she takes a few weeks off or a few months off, she’ll have her group to go back to, and that’s enough of a reassurance for her to make her executive decision. 

“I’m gonna take a break,” Jaemin tells Jaehyun, voice low so the rest of the members won’t hear. The two are around the corner of the apartment, in the hallway leading to the bedrooms, so the walls provide a barrier between them and the rest of the group. The TV is on anyways, playing a rerun of some old K-drama that Johnny wanted them to watch together. “After promotions are over, I’m gonna move back with my family for a bit, probably.”

“Your health is most important, Jaemin. Remember that,” Jaehyun says, and her hand falls on the nape of Jaemin’s neck. “We’re not going anywhere. There’s so much more to come, you won’t be missing out on much.”

“Well, I’ll miss being here with you.” 

“Oh, shut up.” Jaehyun smiles with a faint tint of pink to her cheeks. “Kiss ass.”

“It’s the truth!”

“Mhmm.”

Jaemin watches her for a moment in silence. So much has changed in the past month since they moved in with each other. The Jaehyun in front of her is still the same Jaehyun, but Jaemin’s just seeing her from a new angle, a new perspective. And perhaps, they’ve always been connected like Jaemin is with her other members. It just took her longer to realize how, exactly.

They’re a bit different, the two of them. And that’s okay. Things take time.

Then, Jaemin wraps her arms around Jaehyun’s waist, tucking her head in Jaehyun’s neck in a hug. Jaemin squeezes tight, and if she’s honest, she’s a little bit scared of letting go.

“Hey, it’s not like you’re leaving forever, Jaemin. And you have another two weeks, at least. Don’t be like that,” Jaehyun says, but her voice doesn’t have that playful tone the words imply. She sounds sad.

“I know, I just… What if I don’t get better?”

“Shh, don’t worry. It doesn’t help to worry.” Jaehyun is twirling Jaemin’s braid around her finger. “You’ve been strong enough to endure years already. You’ll be strong enough to recover completely. It’s going to take some time, but you’ll make it.”

“I’ll make it,” Jaemin repeats into Jaehyun’s shoulder. Somehow, those are all the words Jaemin needs to help her power through. “I’ll make it.”

Jaehyun pulls away slightly, and Jaemin has to unwind herself. Jaehyun looks at her, this time more level without the extra shoe padding adding to the height difference. Her dark eyes are unreadable.

And she leans in again, pressing a kiss to the crown of Jaemin’s head, her lips warm and soothing against her skin. Jaemin’s breath hitches ever so slightly. 

“What was that for?”

Jaehyun hums, and it vibrates through her chest so that Jaemin can feel it. “A good luck kiss? To give you strength? ‘M not sure.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” Jaemin drops her arms from Jaehyun’s waist, and instead, takes her hands. She laces their fingers together and puts on her cheekiest grin. “Another one would be good.”

Jaehyun laughs, and Jaemin wants to kiss the dimples etched in her cheeks, so, so bad. “Why are you like this…”

She complies, nonetheless, letting Jaemin tilt her chin up to meet Jaehyun’s lips in a slow, languid kiss, and it makes Jaemin want to smile into it. It feels right, the two of them. 

They keep their foreheads against each other, and Jaemin’s eyes are closed, breath mingling with Jaehyun’s. She smells like peaches, candied, sugary peaches.

“I’ll be right here when you come back, Jaemin.” Jaehyun kisses Jaemin’s nose, and it makes Jaemin’s stomach churn, in a good way. “I’ll be waiting.”

**Author's Note:**

> *yeri voice* yeah i like girls... generation
> 
> find me on  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/johnshuaa)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/johnshuaa)


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